I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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