my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
