i love accidental penises.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
