Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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