It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
