theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
