btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
