Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
