Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
