he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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