what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
