I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
