I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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