I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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