bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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