and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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