Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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