is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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