I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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