i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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