Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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