I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
