yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
