I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
