So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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