Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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