I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
