nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
