yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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