You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize