Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
