have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
