I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
