fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
