i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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