If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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