Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
false alarm. still invincible.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
