Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't think brook has ever known best
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
