Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

You can't wash away shame.

(1-781): View more from Massachusetts

I can try.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...

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(219): View more from Indiana

The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?

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(917): View more from New York City

My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants

Fav 2 126 163
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(831): View more from California

Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.

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