What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I stole a fireplace last night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
