i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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