do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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