just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
