so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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