What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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