he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize