I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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