So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
