I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't put those talents on a resume
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
