I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize