Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
