i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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