if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
