my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize