I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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