what day is it and did you see me today?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
