Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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