I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
