I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
