I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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