I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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