So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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