Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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