Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize