but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
the liver wants what the liver wants
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
