You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
