I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
jump out the window naked night went bad
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
